Chapter 12: One Plus One

I’m numb a this point in my life. The saga continues with the lack of affection I feel from my husband. He is gone now and tomorrow morning is the day I give birth to my second son. My emotions are high and I’m trying to not stress out. I tried to find things to do to distract myself. As my grandmother watched my oldest inside the house, I decided to mow our yard and get the house cleaned up for the rest of my family who were coming the following day. My bags were packed, my yard was clean, my house was clean, my unborn son’s car seat was ready to go in the car and I had plenty of toys lined up for my oldest child.

At this point, I got an email from my husband stating that he was in Romania and things were going well which was great to hear. I told him we were doing okay and preparing for tomorrow morning. He told me he loved me and should be able to FaceTime to see the birth which I said would be great.

That night, I held my oldest son and told him that tomorrow, our family would look different and his mama would have her boys. I also promised to always love him and his brother equally. My oldest has become so close to me and I have never loved a human being so much in my life as my firstborn.

The morning is here and I loaded up my son, and my bags into the car. My grandmother sat in the passenger seat and we drove to our nearby hospital. Once we got there, they asked if I wanted a wheelchair which I stated no. “I will carry my boy and my bags in.” Once I got to my room, I got a bunch of blankets out and put them in the corner of the room. I placed all of my son’s toys on the blanket and snacks for him as that was where he was going to stay for his brother’s birth or at least until my parents and sister showed up.

My nurse introduced herself and asked me where my spouse was. I began to cry and told her overseas. I told her he should be video calling in at some point but either than that it will just be me in the room.

I felt such a pit in my stomach, but I had to constantly remind myself that this was a great day. I’m going to meet my newest baby boy and my son is playing right next to me. I wiped my tears and carried on.

My mother-in-law called in and asked me how I was doing. I told her I was okay and she told me congratulations and asked if I heard from her son. I told her yes and updated her on what was going on with him. She told me I was doing such a great job. I thanked her and told her I had to go.

The anesthesiologist came in and gave me an epidural that did not work. They tried 2 more times until we all essentially gave up. I guess I was meant to feel this pain. How pleasant. My husband finally called in and began to sob. I told him how much I missed him and loved him and how heartbroken I was. He stated he knew and he was sorry he couldn’t be there and that he had to be where he was. He said he was so proud of how strong I was and that I was carrying his name, and to make him proud. He then asked me if I had a male or female nurse and doctor which I said female with such disgust. He then asked where everyone was and I told him it was just myself, our son, and my grandmother in the room. I told him the rest of my family was about 30 minutes away at the time.

My parents and sister finally showed up which I was so thankful for. My sister took my oldest out of the room and my grandmother and father left the room as well as it was time. I had been contracting and crying.

“Am I fit to be a mother?, can I do this? Why isn’t my husband here with me?!!!?! Did I register for classes yet? The deadline is in 4 days. I’m in so much pain. How dilated am I? Did I lock the car? I think I left my good charger in there. What if I can’t do this?”. “Here he comes!!!” The nurse declared. Push, push, push! An instant release and relief when I heard my baby boy cry. I also started to cry as well. This pregnancy was finally done and I did it by myself. I was feeling like the GOAT (a depressed version) even though I never wanted to be.

There he was. My beautiful baby boy. A very hairy boy, who was already ready to nurse. 😂. I thought to myself, this kid is going to eat everything in the house in his future, I just know it!

The cell reception was terrible for my husband so I’m not sure what he got to see but he sent me a long email stating how proud he was of me and all my hard work which made me briefly smile. I was exhausted but in love with my newborn. My family brought my oldest son in the room and I introduced him to his brother. My oldest was so confused about what he was looking at! His facial expressions were priceless looking at his baby brother.

I was so thrilled to see my boys. I was so in love all over again. Staring at what God has blessed me with. I couldn't ask for anything else in this world.

I was able to rest a bit when the baby rested and my oldest went home with my parents to my home. My husband called me and I woke up only to be asked when I was going home. I stated I could stay for a couple of days and he asked me why I needed all that time. I told him well, I am exhausted and I need my rest. He stated it would be better for me to rest at home since there are so many germs in the hospital. I told him I would think about it the following day as I was extremely tired. He stated okay and told me he loved me.

The following morning, I kissed my newborn son and was in awe of how handsome he was. I took several pictures of him and sent them to his father in an email. He eventually saw the pictures and called me. He asked how the baby and I were doing then asked if I was going to go home that day. I told him that I was so that my parents could go back home since they had work. He agreed and told me that I could call our pastor and his wife for help if needed. I agreed and was discharged early so that I could rest at home and ensure my parents were not late going back home. My father picked me up from the hospital and I placed my newborn son in the car. It was time to take my baby home for the first time. So many emotions going through my head. How will I manage taking care of a newborn and my oldest all by myself? Especially since I’m starting my fall semester as a full-time student. The Lord will have to guide me through this one.

When I got home, I settled my newborn son into his bassinet, hugged and kissed my oldest son, and then went to shower. Afterwards, my parents went grocery shopping for me and when they returned, they mentioned they had to get going. I thanked them so much for their help and sadly kissed them goodbye.

I stood in the doorway, so uncertain, holding my newborn son and standing next to my 14-month-old. Tomorrow starts a new chapter for us. Chapter 13.