Chapter 13: No Support

My second son has been here for a few days and I am so in love with my boys. I had to bring him back to the hospital a day later because his face and eyes were yellow. I know the hospital said I shouldn’t have been carrying stuff but I had no help so I had to carry my 40 pound diaper bag and my newborn’s car seat while holding my oldest’s hand. When I arrived back at the hospital, one of the nurses asked if I was here yesterday which I said “yes”. She informed me that I should not have been carrying so much since I gave birth yesterday but I told her I had no choice. Their father was in Afghanistan and I was here alone. All while talking to her, I suddenly started to feel sick myself. Maybe she was right, maybe it was too much to carry. “It is what it is”, I said to myself. The nurse put my baby under a light and when he was done she told me to put him in front of the window when it’s sunny to help with jaundice. When we were done, I went back to my car and attempted to call their dad. I was so surprised I was able to get a hold of him. I told him that our newborn was yellow and I brought him back to the hospital. I also told him that I was feeling a little ill but I would take Tylenol. He told me to ask our marital counselor and his wife for help which I said I would. He told me to keep strong because I had his sons with me and they need to know they are well taken care of. I told him they are babies and are fine. I asked him if he cared about me and how I am feeling which he said he did but was all the way in Afghanistan and there is nothing he can do about my feelings right now. I began to cry because I felt like I had no support with everything I was dealing with.

The next day I was still feeling ill and I did not get much sleep the night prior. I checked my temperature and I had a temp of 101.4. There was no way I could bring myself to the hospital with my fresh new baby and my oldest son. I continued to take Tylenol and consumed lots of water. I needed to drink water anyways because I was breastfeeding. Hours later, I began to feel dizzy and decided to call my OBGYN. He told me to come in which I did. When I got to the office, my newborn was asleep in his car seat and my oldest sat in a chair across the examination chair I was on watching youtube kids. My OBYN told me I was having a medical episode that required an emergency surgery. I told him I had no support here as all my family lives in New England. He informed me that it was very risky to wait and that I was at risk of sepsis. I began to cry and told him I needed to make some calls. I called my husband, no answer. I knew the chances of him answering were low but I tried anyways. I then called my parents. I told them what was going on and they immediately said they would be on their way to get me and the kiddos. My mother told me not to worry and that she would go straight to Brigham and Women’s hospital in Boston with me. The kids would go home with their grandfather.

Once I got to Brigham, my temp was 103 and my body felt like it was on fire. The staff conducted bloodwork and X-rays and stated I had a piece of placenta that was left inside that needed to come out. My mother continued to hold my hand. I was beyond frightened and I just wanted my husband. I started to cry as I felt helpless and distraught. My phone began to ring. “Perfect timing!”, it’s as if my husband could feel me from far away. “Baby!” I began to cry hysterically. “I’m not doing okay! I’m at the hospital with my mom and I have a high temp”. “Where are you?”, he asked. “I’m in Boston”, I replied. “Why are you there!? There are hospitals back home. Where are my boys? You crossed the country because you have a temperature?” “Not only that but I need surgery too”.

Wait, why all the questions?” I asked. “I haven’t seen my newborn yet and your entire family has now. You always pull some shit when I’m not around, typical Rose. Do you, I don’t have time for this shit. Feel better.”

In awe and disbelief, I felt numb. I could've died right there. Never mind the surgery, never mind I gave birth two days ago, never mind my high temp. I felt a rush of chills shake my entire body and decided I needed to focus on my health so I could back to my babies. Maybe he is stressed and feels helpless. Maybe that's why he is treating me like this, I thought to myself.

“Be strong Rose, you have to be strong no matter what. Oh shit, I have to email my professors. I can't do school full time right now. I have to drop out this semester. Everything is going to be okay. Remember these days”.