Chapter 9: Owned

“What took you so long to answer?”. “Who are you talking to?” I was resting with our baby, I replied. “The phone made a noise like you were on the other line with someone. Send me a screenshot”. In a state of panic, I quickly sent a screenshot of my calls. I literally was not talking to anyone. All of our devices were synced. Our contact list, our call logs, browser history etc. He noticed I spoke with my mother and asked what we talked about. I told him she wanted to see how the baby was doing and check in on me. What about you? I just had a baby hun and she wants to see how I am healing. “Oh okay”, he responded.

What have you and our beautiful baby been up to? We have been relaxing and getting into the swing of things. I am obsessed with our baby. I am so in love with him I told my husband. “Yes, he’s going to be amazing just like his dad. Before you know it he will be able to roll over” he replied. He then said he would be home within a few hours and hoped that I got some stuff done. Moments later, he opened the front door. I urgently ran to bedroom door and locked it. He banged on the door and said it was him and asked what was going on. I unlocked the door and began to cry. He asked what I was doing which I then asked him what he was doing home so early and that he scared the life out of me. He stated he left work a while ago and was talking to me while he was driving home. I asked him why he didn’t just say that to me. He replied, “I wanted to surprise you”.

He then sat down on the bed and asked if I could take his boots off. I told him I was exhausted from taking care of the baby. He said he was exhausted from working all day as well. I gave up and took his boots off for him. “What’s for dinner, I’m starving”. “Well, I was hoping you could make dinner tonight, I replied. “This is literally your job, nothing else. Cook, clean, take care of the baby and please your man. That is literally all I ask you to do. You can’t even fucking do that?! You’re essentially useless. You haven’t even pleased me in weeks. Just get the fuck out of here”.  “Babe, I had a level 4 tear when I gave birth to our son, I’m scared that I am not healed up yet”, I cried. “Or maybe you’re just fucking someone else, leave me alone before I really get pissed off. You can’t do shit. Don’t worry I’ll cook tonight”, he screamed.

He then went into the kitchen and made dinner. After he left the kitchen with a plate, I put the baby down in his crib and walked into the kitchen to see if he made me a plate. There was nothing there for me. I then asked him where my plate was. He yelled back, “ In the microwave! Oh, don’t worry, I do my job, unlike you”. I left the plate in the microwave and went back into our bedroom to care for our son feeling defeated and unappreciated. “Maybe he had a bad day at work, I thought to myself. I need to pray for my husband, work must have been hard on him. I need to pray his anger away. God please be with me. I don’t feel loved, I feel owned.