Chapter Five: Short and Not Sweet

The drive down to Arizona was long and draining. I thought we would never make it to our destination but we did. We took a few days to get from New England to Arizona. Have I ever told you, I don’t mix well with snakes. Like at all. I cannot handle seeing them, thinking about them, nothing. So yeah, that’s great……

Arizona is beautiful and so different from home. When we arrived I was beyond scared and couldn’t believe that I made it all this way without my family. It’s truly just the two of us now.

When we got to our apartment that we secured sight unseen, we noticed it wasn’t in the best location but it was nice on the inside. I guess I should’ve done a little bit more research around this location. He wasn’t too impressed with the place I set up for us but hey, it’s home and we are finally together. Plus it’s not like we have to hang outside right?

As we began unpacking, I noticed the frustration in his voice and demeanor towards me. Are you okay? He replied that he was annoyed that we were living in a ghetto and he needed to purchase a gun. I told him it isn’t that ghetto, it’s just a splash of hood. Especially coming from a woman of color who has lived in the suburbs most of her life, I thought it was fine. I am in love, I am with the man of my dreams, no hood was going to make me feel any type of way.

Once we got all of our stuff into the apartment, we realized we didn’t have any curtains/ drapery so we went on base to the Exchange.

We obtained a military credit card and maxed that shit out immediately with all the items we needed for our apartment. I was very happy to be able to furnish our whole apartment but concerned how we just blew through $6,000 dollars in one day. I’ve never spent over $1,000 in my whole life let alone $6,000 at once. This must be what it’s like to be an adult I guess.

When we got back to the apartment, we hung up some of the curtains throughout our 2 bedroom apartment. I was so happy to be home with my husband in our own place. I was feeling nervous and adventurous at the same time. He wasn’t feeling the same way most of the time. I’ve noticed a quick shift in the way he was feeling. I confronted him about things. “I’ve noticed you have been on edge since we got here, what is going on? How can I relieve your stress my husband”, I asked.

“You can relieve my stress by not looking at other men. I noticed the way you were checking guys out while we were shopping. We literally just got married, why would you act like that?”.

Stunned at this development, I stated that I was not checking anyone out and did not know what the hell he was talking about. I gave him a hug and a kiss and said I would never do that because I loved him. I asked him to kindly not talk to me like that because I didn’t appreciate his accusatory tone with me then left the room.

I went to the bathroom, locked the door and thought to myself, the hell is wrong with him? I don’t like this sudden shift. Let me call my parents and let them know I am good and things are going well. I called my dad and immediately began to cry. My dad was beyond concerned and asked what was wrong. I said everything is fine but I miss you guys so much. My dad asked me if I wanted him to come pick me up which I stated no. My father then told me it didn’t matter where I was, if I didn’t feel safe he will come get me. I thanked my father and told him I loved him.  I asked where the rest of my family was but then I heard a knock at the door. I unlocked the door and he asked me who I was talking to. I said my family, which he responded call them later we are busy and we need to talk. I told them I would call them back.

Once I hung up the phone he grabbed my hand and kissed it. He told me he was sorry for talking to me the way that he did and he shouldn’t treat his queen that way. I agreed with him and told him how it was uncalled for. He then stated moving forward, let’s be open with our communication and tell each other when we are going to make a phone call. You can call your family whenever you want to, I just want to know when you are going to. Also, you are my wife now, you are not their little daughter anymore, there is a difference. I agreed with him with a bit of concern in the back of my mind but continued on with the day.

As I continued to hang the curtains on our first floor apartment, I noticed there were a group of guys hanging out outside. I didn’t pay them any mind but I was observant of my surroundings. He then told me to quickly hang the curtain up and move along with what I was doing. He then left the room and came back with a hammer and nails. “What the hell is that for!?” He stated so no one can break in. You do realize that is a fire hazard right? Yeah but it’s fine, there is a back door, in case of a fire”. What about fresh air? You can open the bathroom window. It high above the ground, he replied. I asked him if there was something he was afraid of. He stated me? I’m not scared at all but I’ll always be prepared”. My job is to protect you, can I do that?

Sure, I guess I didn’t realize that would be nailing the fucking windows shut! Who does that shit?!

“Let me tell you something, I am the man of this house, I make the safety decisions for our household. You need to learn your place” he declared. “I do know my place and it’s my job as your wife to question when I think you’re acting bizarre which you have been since we got here husband”. I don’t like how you are treating me, please leave me alone for a bit.

I left the second bedroom and went to sit in the closet. What have I done, I thought to myself. It’s our first day together, why are we arguing so much? He must be so stressed out. Let me calm him down. I left the closet and gave him a hug behind his back. While still holding him, I told him I respect his position as my protector and man of the house and I’m not trying to make him feel uncomfortable but I want to feel like a queen like he promised. He turned around and gave me a kiss and said he has a lot of pressure being new to this area, new to his job that he will start soon since he was on leave from work and was apologetic for taking his frustrations out on me.

I’ve noticed you’ve been stressed and bent out of shape. Let’s blow up our air mattress and rest up a bit. We agreed to call it a day, order food and rest up for the remainder of the day.

“Babe, I’m happy with my decision to be your wife”, I whispered. “Good. I’m glad you’re my wife and I can’t wait for us to start a family. This is the vision I have for us moving forward. I can’t wait to have our daughter running around”. “Me too hun, me too". 😳