Chapter One: PVD

I was in my first year in college with barely any money to my name. Still living at my parent’s house because I couldn’t afford to go to one of those public or private colleges/universities for $50,000. Plus, my GPA in high school was trash. Not because I wasn’t smart, I just didn’t care enough at the time. (big mistake).

I decided to get a random job at an airport in Rhode Island. It was really good money for someone as young as I was. I was able to afford all the stupid, materialistic things my heart desired. I didn’t have to pay rent, I didn’t have to pay for food unless I wanted to, I was blessed. When I started working there, I was fresh out of a depressive state in my life, desperate for change. I had gone on vacation with some friends months prior and left my sheltered life behind. Ready to conquer the world, I was sexually assaulted and was still grappling with all the emotions of keeping such a secret all while not pressing charges.

So, I found the courage and strength through my faith in the Lord and kept it pushing. I worked for a rental company at the airport and quite frankly had no business in sales. I was horrible and did not like that kind of work but I was able to afford the things I wanted so mmmmm, this will do.

A few weeks into the job, this man walked down this alleyway behind my counter, and I swear I stopped breathing. The eye contact we made with each other made me feel a way I had never felt before. Who the f**k is that guy!? He had a walk to him, I could smell his cologne from a mile away. He was wearing Kenneth Cole Black at the time, a button-up shirt, dress pants, and his company’s jacket. He didn’t have a ring on his finger, and he was in his early twenties so I couldn’t help but feel flirty.

He walked by my counter again and introduced himself. I told him my name and he began to ask me about my job and if I needed any help, he would be more than willing to help. I said thank you with the biggest grin on my face. I tried very hard to contain my excitement but I’m sure I still looked like a dumbass.

We continued to talk on and off while at work and became friends. He was born on the West Coast, had some grit to him, and had a bunch of tattoos. I knew for certain; that my parents would kill me if I brought this man home covered in tattoos. Maybe if he just wore a long-sleeved shirt forever, we should be good.

Months into our friendship, he told me he enlisted in the military and was leaving his job. He wanted to start a new life and move on. He stated that he was in the process of divorcing his wife because she cheated on him, so he says. (Wait a minute).

The culture I come from does not believe in divorce. Each time this man talks, the more I can hear my parent’s instant denial. A divorced man? A divorced man with tattoos? A divorced man with tattoos who isn’t the same race as us? What the hell is wrong with him? What the hell is wrong with our daughter?

Well, he is too kind and sweet to have anything wrong with him. As he stated and I believed, his soon-to-be ex-wife was the problem. The text messages and voicemails he showed and played for me were proof that she was unruly and clearly did not love him. Which seemed impossible to me. This man has everything going on. He would share all the ways she betrayed his trust which is why he was asking for a divorce.

(Remember who the dumbass is here. ME.) I ate every word that came from this man’s mouth. I felt terrible for him and me being so young and naïve I was here to save the mutha f*cking day with all my 19 years of age and wisdom.

Not only did we become really good friends, I trusted him. (DUMB, DUMB, DUMB). On his last day of working at our place of employment, I walked with him to his car which felt amazing and heartbreaking at the same time. I don’t want to do this job anymore; my boss thinks I suck at my job which I do and my reason for punching in is leaving. Nevertheless, as we walked to his car, he told me how beautiful he thought I was and noticed how all the guys at the airport gave me attention. He said he wanted me to find someone who treats me well and doesn’t want to be with me just for sex. When we got to his car, I hate to say it but I started to cry. He looked like a deer in headlights because he was not expecting me to react in such a way. We hugged each other and I quickly sped off back into the airport. I was beyond embarrassed. I sent him a text apologizing for crying and told him that I didn’t know where those tears came from.

I texted my sister who called me a dumbass and said this isn’t real and to leave her alone. (Quick note). My younger sister is my confidant. Although she is very brash and lacks emotion most days, I know she always has my best interest. I texted my best friend who was totally going through the motions with me but was reserved with how everything was playing out. Not I, I was in loo ooo vee.

The next day, while I was at school, I got a text from him stating that he was outside my school by my car. My teacher called on me as I closed my phone, and I don’t know what the hell she said to me, but I had the biggest smile on my face, and I told her I had to leave for a hot second.

I went to the bathroom to check my face, my breath, my outfit.  Girllllllll you look cute, go on with your bad self. I went to my car and tried to look as cute as possible. (I probably looked like I was symptomatic, but I felt cute). He was beside my car and appeared a bit nervous. I still smiled and asked him how he was. He stated he didn’t get a chance to properly say goodbye then attempted to kiss me. I immediately elbowed him in the stomach. It was a knee-jerk reaction that I wasn’t even expecting. (you idiot!) So, I said sorry, and we both went in for a kiss. I think I died at that moment. I couldn’t contain my emotions. I went back to class, packed my stuff up and left. At that moment, I was in love. I could see myself spending the rest of my life with this man and no matter what, I am going to be with him.  

Afterward, we spent countless days spending intimate time together. One morning when we woke up lying next to each other, he lifted my chin as we looked into each other’s eyes, and declared he was going to marry me one day, and I was going to be his wife. It was such an intense sweet moment buttttt my mother was blowing up my phone. I had 30 missed calls from my family members asking me where the hell I was, and what I was doing. You name it. I was having a lovely time but no, they just had to ruin it with all their protective parenting crap.

I did not answer a single call but texted my older brother to let him know I was okay. He replied, “Good, but just so you know you’re in a lot of shit when you come back home”. I responded, “I know it. Thanks bro”. He then replied, “I’m okay with you being a whore, you just have to let me know.” I stated, “You shithead, this is not what this is, I am with my boyfriend!”. I hadn’t officially given him the title but I had to say something. What if that is what my parents think I’m doing? Oh my God! What if this guy thinks this is what it is? I instantly started panicking. “I have to get going”, I told the man I had been lying next to. He asked me what was wrong. I told him I had never done anything like this before. I was still a virgin, or at least before us I was, and I had to leave. He then reassured me that people wouldn’t understand our love and that everything was okay. He told me that he would talk to my family and introduce himself and smooth things over. I began to calm down as he kissed my forehead which is really a tenhead but hey who’s counting? We came up with a plan on how we were going to smooth things over with our relatives and profess our love for one another.